It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize