I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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