I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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