I just cut my nipple shaving
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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