Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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