He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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