Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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