Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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