Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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