He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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