mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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