tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Randomize