sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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