does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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