I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize