I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize