He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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