I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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