I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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