my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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