Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize