I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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