So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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