Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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