Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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