I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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