ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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