Dude my mom stole all your condoms
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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