i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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