I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize