The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
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I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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