Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize