While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize