I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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