It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
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Someone came in the potted fern
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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