so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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