You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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