worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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