I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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