Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize