maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize