Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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