Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize