I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize