haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize