I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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