How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize