You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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