i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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