Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
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It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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